Crazy Part 1

I had some reservations about renting to her.

It was back when I was a “Roving Manager”. Roving managers are building managers that rent units in buildings that are not their own to make some extra bucks. I was making too many enemies of “Rental Agents” who didn’t appreciate me doing it. Rather than having to “Sleep with the fish’s” I stopped doing it and She just happened to be my last rental. I had tried to steer her away from my buildings cause I thought she was a bit… -M-…odd…She was just a bit childlike which would turnout to be as in “Children Of The Corn” childlike!
She was wishy washiy and I had been trying to close the deal on getting her into a building other than mine. She kept changing her mind back to mine. The deal was closed. She would be my problem.

Feeling a little bit worried about her slight social retardation (She was just not a normal human) I invited She and her mother to go out to listen to some music and drink some wine just to ease her mothers mind that I was ok and her “Child” would be fine with me.

Soon the complaints started to come in…Loud music; strange interactions with tenants; general odd behavior.

She would befriend neighbors and eventually wear them out. Kind of a stalker.

She began parking in a driveway where it was made quite clear non-employees were not to park. She was very bold about it and felt quite righteous about parking there. I asked her not to and started getting some very hostile reactions from her, which turned into overblown reports to the office. (The beginning of a real nightmare). She would block workers in who would wait literally hours for her to move. My district manager confronted her. She solicited other problem assholes in the building. Some of what she was saying about me was ludicrous! Her behavior got very out of control. She set up a restaurant on the roof with tables and glasses, took over a storage closet with out permission, started befriending and acquiring keys to peoples apartments and moving freely in and out of their apartments.
One day she called the fire department about a gas leak in an apartment. When the fire department got there they found an ironing board jammed up against the oven gas switch and a rupture (Possibly man made) in the supply line, with burned ignition materials on the stove surface.
Soon after upon regular inspection of the building early one morning I found a 3 page letter taped to every-one’s door.
Basically saying that I was a violent drug addict who had threatened her in a dangerous manner…that “I hated women!”…I love that one! I still get complaints about her and odd behavior, but I’ve given up! There’s nothing I can do. No one is willing to do anything to back me up, so I’ve given up and I just avoid the building the people…screw it!

A very frustrating situation when someone can just get away with that behavior, especially after how hard I tried to accommodate her. In a real world I would have been able to get her thrown out for “life threatening behavior and “slander”…I guess times have changed. I find there are many people with “Mommy and Daddy” issues where I become the focal point of their immature acting out. I’m probably really not a good manager. I put up with and avoid a lot of that kind of stuff. I just hate confrontation…It’s something I really suck at. I’m kind of too much the nice guy and it will usually come back to bite me.

I need a Utopia…Which way to “Burning Man?”

The "Moat"

WasteLand

I feel like I’m floating out in the middle of the ocean and not barely a breeze to fill the sail.

This economic situation is pretty scary. So far I’ve had a pay cut and on top of it can’t seem to make money or get paid for work I’ve done. The other half has abandoned all thoughts of ever finding a job. The upside is that we still have a roof over our heads and a fairly decent apartment in a nice neighborhood.

I’m readjusting my thought process about the idea of being and living in semi-poverty…actually I’m in poverty. Very weird feeling…

I feel completely out of touch with my company. Calls un-answered no help on problems and decisions. Don’t know if that’s good or bad? So I go on doing my thing and trying to keep everyone happy.

In all the years I’ve managed properties, this is the most unsettled I’ve ever felt before. At worst I get fired and end up in “Section 8 ” housing for the homeless. At least I’m not drug addicted…well aside from coffee and anti-depressants.

I guess I’m not doing to bad as compared to others who have been hit hard by the Bush legacy…This is George Bush’s legacy! Inspiring un-bridled greed and “Bully Opportunism.”

Goodnight- the Manager

Bump In The Night

Thumpers

Makin Love!

I’m laying eyes wide shut! This is the second go around…It builds slowly like the 06 Quake and I’m waiting for the ceiling above to begin falling down. Then it’s that moaning like cows in line to be branded; bed springs popping sproinging; thumping and wall banging! I scream. “Climax already!”

This is embarrassing to my manly state of being…Two chicks going at it like that, Jeeeeshhh!

Break-in

Thwam! Crack, Crack…I jump out of bed…WTF! I rush to the window a throw up the sash like the night before Christmas.

I yell to Cathy call the cops someone is breaking into our car! I through my shorts on and by the time I get out to confront the perp, I realize I have my mountain bike shorts on inside out and backwards, so the ass padd is hanging and flapping like a turkey neck protecting my man parts and my pockets are flapping as if I’m some gay easter bunny from the waist down! A hybrid “Minotaur bunny”…

Minatour Bunny

I immediately realize this guy’s out of my league and he’s breaking into someone Else’s car, not mine!…Plan B…Run! He chases me with the steel pipe while I run around through the garage up 3 steps through a breezeway back to the garage like Curly from the “Three Stooges” minus the woop, woop, woop! He gives up or is afraid of the this Minotaur bunny and dives into his car and never to be caught…My neighbors never let me hear the end of it. I don’t think I looked like that consummate protector of the people.

Jesus

Jesus Christ!

I have to wake up early to drive the cab (some years back). I lived and a neighborhood that had a lot of churches. I don’t think the majority of parishioners had jobs. They seemed to always be at church and staying up till 2 and 3 in the morning during the week.

One night I’m awoken at 1am with screaming and yelling, I jump up and look out the window.

Some poor woman had found Jesus and she was leading a chase group in and around cars up the ally back down around the cars till they finally restrained her as she cried out thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus. I think a simple thank you card would have worked just as well.
I never got a whole lot of sleep in the 8 years I lived there…

Dumpster Diving

Dumpster Diver

One of my worst nightmares are the increasingly multiplying “Hoarders and Dumpster Divers!”

Maybe due to the economy, but I’ve been dealing with it for years now. Most, I say that loosely are relatively bright and intelligent people, but with a bad case ofOCD.

I once had a Doctor that rented in my second building some years ago that would just collect magazines and old plastic soda bottles. I couldn’t imagine he was drinking all that crap. They were mostly in the kitchen where you could barely move and the magazines were waist high and there were specific paths around them to the bedroom, bath etc. The guy was really soft spoken to the point of being creepy… He also had a giant Jesus cross in his window. It really made the whole look of the building kinda retarded…Made it hard to rent. The cat ladies freak me out too…Shit everywhere, with tons of fur and kitty litter in  everything…Yeeech WTF!

I’m just afraid someone is going to light up the building one of these days!

I just had this on my mind cause the trash is a continuing problem in my building. I have a hard core “Stoner” Dumpster diver that periodically…like 2-3 times a week goes through all her treasures and discards only the worst items, but ends up filling up all my trash barrels…I hate confrontation, but it’s heading in that direction. Trash has become the highest maintenance issue since she’s moved into the building…Anyway thought I’d just vent to ya….

Tomorrow I’ll be on my bike and I frankly don’t give an “F” when I’m freewheeling merrily along…

These are some picts of the dumpster diver/ hoarders in one of my buildings!

Hoarder

Compulsive hoarding

(or pathological hoarding) is the acquisition of, and failure to use or discard, such a large number of seemingly useless possessions that it causes significant clutter and impairment to basic living activities such as mobility, cooking, cleaning, showering or sleeping.

Messy person...

It is not clear whether compulsive hoarding is a condition in itself, or simply a symptom of other related conditions. Several studies have reported a correlation between hoarding and the presence and/or severity of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Hoarding behaviour is also related to obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Hoarding unnecessary possessions may be referred to as syllogomania or disposophobia.
Dumpster diving is the practice of sifting through commercial or residential trash to find items that have been discarded by their owners, but which may be useful to the Dumpster diver. The practice of Dumpster diving is also known variously as urban foraging, binning, alley surfing, aggressive recycling, Curbing, D-mart, Dumpstering, garbaging, garbage picking, garbage gleaning, dumpster-raiding, dumpstering, dump-weaseling, tatting, skally-wagging, skipping, or trashing.

Another use of the term refers to a “sport” mostly practiced by youngsters who directly dive into the dumpsters, often filming it to show others who dares the best dives, as one could do at the beach or pool when diving into water. It carries the risk of injury on broken glass or other dangerous or disgusting objects.

The term originates from the best-known manufacturer of commercial trash bins, “Dumpster,” and the fanciful image of someone leaping head first into a dumpster as if it were a swimming pool. In practice, the size and design of most dumpsters makes it possible to retrieve many items from the outside of dumpsters without having to “dive” inside.

Dark Matter

Original note from tenant

In the far flung Universe there is  but one force that binds all things together. Scientist’s have spent years and even lifetimes searching for this “Dark Matter” Little did these soldiers of science realize or even imagine that this great discovery could be directly under their noses!

They may have even smelled it from time to time with out ever knowing their “Eureka” was hidden in plain sight, with in their wanton grasp.
Little do they know but I the “Manager” of lowly accommodation and in common vicissitudes have arrived at the grandest of epiphanies! The “Holy Grail”; the ultimate discovery of the Universe…Ladies and Gentleman I bring you “Kitty Litter!” It is the Anti-matter, the force that defies gravity and keeps all matter from spiraling downward as it should.

As I write this soliloquy, Plumber number two is defying “God” and painstakingly trying to unbind that superglue of “Mother Nature” as the residue gently sifts down to pipes below and blocks up the each and every drain below.

This is what Building Managers call…”Plumbing Hell”

The other bad element is “hair!” Human or animal. Usually by way of the toilets. Toilets deliver debri directly to the main soilstack. Once you’ve clogged the soil stack you’ve clogged the whole building and it becomes an emergency.

What will only only make matters worse is if Mr. Einstein decides to play super hero and dump draino down the drain which in turn will eat right through the cheap plumbing that the previous plumbers install to further their grand scheme of planned obselesance as an investment in future repair costs!

If you want to keep your own Mr. Roper happy:

A. No! Kitty litter down the drain.
B. No! Hair down the drain.
C. Please never stuff or plunge body parts down the sink… Forgetaboutit and save those for the fishing trip.

Plumbers Butt

make it or break it!

Burnout is an inevitability when managing apartments, or when it comes down to it, any job actually.

I’m having serious issues with it lately. I haven’t had a genuine vacation of significant time off since June and before that it was years without time off.

It can be impossible sometimes just to get up and put on the face. Little problems can become insurmountable. People avoidance becomes the main goal of existence. I’m very disjointed and somewhat disorganized…ok feeling particularly lazy! My goal for the new year is to become a good manager again…at least feel like I have the job back in control again. Kind of a personal 12 step program of my own.

Today was nice. No calls or emergencies, no knocks at the door. Linda one of my good “Witches” called me on a minor problem but we have a good relationship. In fact we went to dinner with her and I have even a better appreciation for her character and intelligence.

Maybe that’s the key? Take everyone out to dinner and really see and understand what makes them tick! It will either make it or break it. In the mean time I’ll be in the work avoidance mode till the 1st of January when push will come to shove and I’ll either make it or break it!

A Lightbulb Story…

What is it with guys who can’t change a light bulb? As I think to myself while making a B-line to the 2nd floor exit door. Crash! as I reach for the door a resident pushes through from the other side. To think that less than five minutes earlier I had been snuggled under a blanket and a 40 watt bulb taking in a good read of Charles Dickens “Bleak House!”

You will think this curious, but as the stars and whirling subsided I was filled with a power in my heart and soul; a power like I had never experienced before in my life…the power of the spoken word! GadZooks! I was Godsmacked like the Dickens…or by the Dickens!

“Good day sir” I proclaimed to the startled resident. He appeared quite vexed and somewhat wary of my character. With a brash tilt of his head and slight squint of the eye he spoke…Are you injured dear Sir? With an abbreviated curtsy, “I’m quite alright my fine Sir, but in a bit of a tizzy and as I must move on…good day.

Going out the door, something had changed from that bump on the noggin…Not too sure what was happening to me. As I hurriedly transported from my primary building to secondary next door I witnessed a great many horseless carriages moving too and fro and I pondered…These conveyances have become so popular almost overnight.

Feigning to even care of their challenged luminescence I diligently proceed with my task at hand, but in my mind I pity the helpless half wit for his lack of balls to expedite the matter himself.

One day I will be rendered stark and senseless over the Gaul of these chosen ones wanting of my services on the blessed sabbath.

Lights out…

Ahhh…Christmas Quiet

I love Christmas just for the fact that nobody is around...Ahhh…quiet solitude. You can never get enough of that nowadays. I had some nice things happen this week  along with the bad.

I had a coversation with a plumber yesterday and I won’t use his real name to protect him. I’ll  call him ” Joey”.

It’s a bad time of year for him…bad, bad memories… You see awhile back Joey’s Dad blew his own brains out with a gun. He was sick with diabetes and had been trying to shake the alchohol. He just gave up and called Joey… “Joey…You know what the combination to my safe is…I don’t think I can make it through the weekend, you take care of yourself.

Joey called his dad’s neighbor and the Jackass sluffed it off as nothing…Joey’s Dad was my age 54 and I can totally relate, but I work very hard to keep that darkness from overtaking my thoughts and my life. It’s hard. Joey told me he thinks very different with difficult people now…He say’s “You don’t know what’s going on in a persons life…Most of us have serious shit goin on, ya know?” I said “Ya Joey you’re totally right…people have a lot of shit goin on…”

Fortunately the good shit out weighs the bad at this point…I think lately some of my close ones have been a little worried about my ehh…-M- state…I’m ok…don’t worry. I have a few more feet of that plank to walk yet!

4th of July-Think Warm…

Already dreaming of Summer…Hope I can enjoy some outdoor time this winter…Maybe Tahoe vacation?

…The coldest winter I’ve ever experienced, was a Summer in Frisco…Julius Ceasar

The 5 percentiles: The Good Witch’s Coven…

Lighting the way?

OK I forgot about the 5 percent …These are the very few who I have trusting relationships with.

They have a way about them that exudes goodness. I drove a taxi for many years, intuition and judging personal characteristics could be a matter of life or death. From the first meetings with them I could sense the goodness, caring and sincere qualities.

They seemed to read me well also. I’m a good guy…at least I think and try to be such! I think it’s funny the three characters that I come up with off the top of my head interestingly enough have witchery sounding names…Maybe my imagination is out of hand, but…Hazel…Dorothy…Hayden? I picture them late at night stirring their giant pots into the witching hour. As they add their bats wings, puppy dogs tails and red eyed no nosed newts to the bubbling accretions.

They are the good witches, the beautiful ladies, the ones I truly care about.

Hazel the “English Witch” of the north. The classic good witch, a bit “sardonic”. She makes me laugh and I enjoy her conversation, as charming as her accent. She treats me very well.

Dorothy..the “Wonderfull Witch of the West” Her beauty has stayed with her over the years, her soul is pure and loving. I enjoy my moments talking with her and  laughing.

Hayden the “Good Witch of the East” Somewhat rattled like I am, but we have so much in common. She is new, but my intuition will ring true down the line, she’s a good person.

There are others too…David the Warlock, Pilar the young Witch, Paula the quiet but kind. Dianna the overseer and part wizard. Linda the Crazy in a good way witch who keeps me laughing. Over the years in each building I’ve found the good witches…and I’ve surely found the evil ones too. The ones who are completely caught up in their own self-hatred, who poison the waters all about. I curse them, their evil makes me evil and I in turn hate myself.

Thank God for the good witches they are the ones who keep me loyal to my duty…I remain loyal to them and pray that no harm will come to them on my watch.

The Manager- of Narnia…er I mean Nob Hill