The Apostate Manager

It’s hard to explain the way I feel right now… “Limbo”, that place, that no mans land. I am so close to poverty, maybe homelessness? I’m living in Nob Hill with a nice apartment. It could overnight change to a horrible nightmarish living situation. I’m in a job where I feel unmotivated like never before, working for a bunch of imbeciles who let other imbeciles run this forsaken company into the ground. If this saga I’m involved in had a name it would be “The Young And The Reckless” and I feel like the “Apostate”.

Basically I know I’m getting fired, it’s inevitable. The writing has been on the wall for sometime now. My trips to the office are just plain weird. Everyone knows, but no one speaks. I see the smiles that don’t reach the eyes. Lies and deceit behind those haunted and jaded faces. “Talk to me already, would you?” I’m tortured like many other managers who wait for the proverbial axe to fall. I’m treated like I have the plague…hmmm interesting. They are the diseased. Sick with Gluttony and greed. Impersonal, sociopathetic and evil. I hate them like I’ve never hated any group of people before, yet they at this moment are the wardens of my fate. How did I get in this hopeless situation. I’ve never had a real warm relationship with these clowns. In the beginning I was treated horribly by the company clique due to my direct dealing with the owner and my ability to bypass clown school to get to the ringmaster.

I’m being forced into an impossible predicament, a time of decision with so many variables and too few avenues to travel. One false move and I’m doomed. I hate this. So out of my comfort zone like so many others. That is the only thing that comforts me…I am not alone. I couldn’t imagine having a family to worry about. A significant other is enough thank you.

Tomorrow I’m finishing up my resume and seeing if I can take a stab at another job. My spouse is going in for a serious operation this week and will definitely be out of commission for at least six weeks.

I’m shirking a lot of work right now for a number of reasons:

1. Fear of not getting paid Difficulty overcoming inertia (attitude, mental block) 
2. Plain don’t give a shit anymore 
3. Mad as Hell Distracted and too busy taking care of personal buisness

I have one foot in Hiroshima and one foot in Nagasaki, one hand in my pocket and the other’s hailing a taxicab.

There is a filthy maggot that works for the Company and he spends the day trolling over the phone looking for a “scab” to walk into my job for one tenth the salary I originally made when I first started with these morons. At least in my main building there are no takers. They have no idea of what they’re getting into or how they’re being taken advantage of. I actually went in to confront man to man and ask what is going on.

“Am I getting the axe?” I asked.

“No don’t worry about it” mumble, mumble.

He couldn’t answer me like a man, only as an earthworm.

By the way I’m being nice here…just wait till I get fired…